What do you think of this poem?

I liked it all, except for the "When I right the gong". It makes it look like you are trying too hard to rhyme. I used to do that all the time. But it's really good. I would take out the contractions. It makes it seem darker. And one last thing, shorten the "For you will soon be one with the forever night sky." line. It just seems too long compared to the rest of the lines in the poem. But like I said, other than that, it's good. I love dark poetry.